Rival
by Remedy for Chaos
Summary: M!Hawke/Fenris. Their rivalry ran deep, their desires Ecstasy.


**Rival**

Author's Note: It has been a very long time since I wrote anything. Even odder is the fact I am writing in a rather foreign area! Sort of. I had an idea, I'm just rolling with it I suppose. I'm not expecting this to be very popular, male slash doesn't seem very popular amongst the _Dragon Age_ fan base. ;3

Warning: Do realize this is male on male, and do realize there will probably be a lot of spoilers.

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><p>The moment they met he knew there would be trouble. How could there not be trouble? He was a mage, a strange one by far, but a magic-weaver nonetheless. Out of the clutch of one mage and fleeing into the arms of another was <em>not<em> what Fenris had intended, and yet the overwhelming urge to thank Anso for finding such a… _capable_ man was there.

_Capable_ being the least of what Hawke truly was. His whole demeanor, his build, even his _eyes_… Intensity, such focus, and yet something kind. Tender. Even after Fenris had made a snippy comment about Hawke's mage abilities the man simply smirked and said, "you wouldn't mind fighting alongside a mage and you know it."

He was right of course; Hawke was always right, and that was something Fenris immediately detested about the Mage, even if he garnered such huge respect for the man. "No, I owe you a debt and I will give myself and my sword to you."

"Oh, would you now?" Hawke's voice had changed with this statement, more playful, soft. Sexy even. It made Fenris shiver inwardly. Perhaps Hawke misspoke, or he was fucking with him. Mages, in his world view, were all like that. Standing beside Hawke he saw his younger brother, Carver, looking uncomfortable about the soft-flirtatious comment. No, he wasn't being played, Hawke was legitimately flirting.

"Yes well," Fenris cleared his throat and looked away. "Perhaps you should get going. I will be here if you need anything."

Then they left and fate, or destiny, or Maker-knows-what was sealed between Fenris and Hawke.

That had happened nearly three years previous, the "fated" meeting, the growing rag-tag team with Hawke at the lead… The expedition to the Deep Roads… During that damned expedition Hawke had lost Carver to the Darkspawn. Thanks to Anders, Carver was saved from Taint, if one could call joining the Grey Wardens "saving" someone. Even so Hawke and his mother were distraught and both were extremely grateful to the whiny little mage.

Perhaps it was jealousy that drove Fenris to hate Anders, or perhaps it was just the mere fact that Anders was indeed a whiny little mage with a spirit of "Justice" intertwined with his soul. Either way Fenris did not like him, and it was even harder to remain civil to him what with how often Hawke took them both out on his adventures.

All that was besides the point. Over the course of their adventuring the heat between Fenris and Hawke only grew. One minute they were at one another's throats, then next they were laughing and joking as though they were old friends. Or so Fenris had imagined, Hawke was his first real friend as far as the elf knew.

As a so happened Hawke was as much of a mage-hugger as Anders, how could he not be, seeing as his own magical gift that he seemed to wield with pride rather than disdain. Though it was still something that really pushed Fenris's buttons on every occasion, but as a "saving grace" of a sort he was also very… anti-slavery. Every time a slaver came into the picture, particularly Danarius, Hawke would become very protective.

Something that made Fenris's heart leap to his throat and stare at the man with adoration. He was definitely an enigma, and definitely something that Fenris could, and oftentimes did, admire. And fear.

"So Fenris, seems like we're neighbors now."

The elf looked over towards the door. Hawke, of course. "_Who else would it be?"_ the elf thought. Giving a bit of a half-smile he nodded. "Seems so Hawke. Does that mean you will be coming by to bother me more often now?"

"Bother you? Oh Fenris, anger and provoke but never bother. You enjoy my company too much for me to ever bother you." Hawke retorted with a smirk, joining Fenris by the fire and sitting on the bench. "Anyways talking isn't why I'm here, I wanted to give you something."

Before Fenris could ask Hawke took a leather-bound book out of his robes - something that always made Fenris raise a brow, how could he hide such things in his pockets? Maybe it was magic… Giving one look at the book he took it, his brows knitted in confusion. "It's… a book?"

"Well-noted there Fenris. Thought your eyes were failing you for a moment? It's about Shartan. The elf who helped Andraste bring down the Tevinter Imperium."

"I _know_ who Shartan is, I am not a fool." Fenris growled, his hands tightening their grip on the book. "I can't read, teaching a slave to read isn't exactly one of the things slavers strive to do."

"No need to get so touchy with me Fenris. It's never too late to learn and I could teach you." The reply was meant to be sweet, sincere even but Fenris wouldn't have it. Something in him broke and he slammed the book on the floor.

"What is this? Be nice to a slave day? I don't need your pity!"

Hawke huffed, getting to his feet and slapping the elf on the back of the head. Not hard, never hard, just enough to snap Fenris's attention. It was a "wake-up call", as Hawke called it. "It isn't pity, elf. We start tomorrow."

And he left.

In a wave of bitter self-loathing Fenris sighed and picked up the book, running his fingers over the embossed leather cover thoughtfully. He was going to learn to read. And perhaps to write. He opened the book, the ink covering the pages looked to him like a jumble of symbols, a puzzle that couldn't be solved… He grimaced at the pages. "I'm never going to learn, am I?"

Turned out Hawke was as tough of a teacher as he was a fighter. "No defeatist attitudes Fenris, read the passage again. Correctly!"

"I can't! This is the eighth time I've tried reading this damn passage and I always get it wrong! I don't know what the hell I'm doing!" Fenris shouted back, a common display during this nightly lessons by far. They were in the Hawke estate library, surrounded by children's books that Hawke chose to help teach Fenris to read. They hadn't even managed to finish one yet even after four weeks of grueling exercises. It was like torture, only with more reading involved.

After the second night of their "lessons", if you could call them such, Leandra, Bodahn, and his son Sandal quickly learned to stay away from the library until well after the lesson had been abandoned. Fenris wondered if Hawke was always like this, even as a child. He demanded and got excellence from everyone, that much was certain but did he have a breaking point where he would just give up?

According to Leandra her son didn't have a breaking point. He achieved whatever he wanted, but perhaps he would just label Fenris as hopeless and stop the asinine "quest" to teach him to read.

"You can, so do it!" No, he was committed to teaching Fenris to read. It was evident in his voice and face.

Fenris looked the mage dead in the eye and grunted. "Will you stop yelling at me? Yelling isn't going to get you anywhere faster!"

"Just read the damn thing. It's a children's book! It can't be that hard!"

"So says the mage who has been reading novels and tomes since he was six."

"Stop it Fenris, complaining doesn't achieve anything either. And I'm not yelling at you!"

"What was that then? An exclamation? Can't keep using that excuse!"

Hawke huffed, grabbing the book from Fenris's hands and throwing it on the ground. "Blight take you elf, just… _blight take you_. You're impossible to deal with and you won't let me help you." He threw his hands up in the air and got to his feet. "I wash my hands of you."

All right, maybe he did have a breaking point. Fenris got to his feet as well and gave Hawke a shove. "So that's it then? Done trying to help the slave now because he isn't willing to bend to your will? Fine, I wash my hands of _you_."

Turning to leave he felt a hand grab his arm and he sighed, stopping in his tracks and waiting for Hawke to speak, he never did. Finally he turned back to Hawke, yanking his arm from the mage's grasp. "Are you going to say something, or just stare at me until the fire dies out?"

Hawke swallowed hard, taking Fenris's arm again in a loose grip. "Stop calling yourself a slave. You're a free man Fenris. And you can read."

"That's it? That's all you're going to say Hawke? Bring up reading all over again? You're a foolish little mage, like them all."

"Shut up Fenris, you will learn in time. I'll stop pushing when you start trying." Hawke replied, pulling Fenris closer to him in what the elf could only call in awkward hug. "We will wrap it up for tonight, just go home and go to bed."

"No, I don't want to. I want to learn." Fenris murmured before pulling out of the hug and sitting back down on the floor. "Which book where you making me read?"

Hawke gave a laugh, sitting down across from the elf and picking up another book from the closest pile. "Doesn't matter, we will start reading this one instead. It's easier."

Fenris said nothing, just took the book with a smile and opened the cover. He was going to learn, no more excuses.

After several weeks of tutelage and intense instruction Fenris learned to read simple words and sentences, even to write a little. As Hawke promised, once Fenris started trying he stopped pushing. And yelling. And insulting. While he did not agree with the mage's methods, he did get results, and he did learn to read and write. And he did spend a lot of time with Hawke.

While he did want to pop his head off once in awhile, he never wanted to go through all of that turmoil with anyone else.

"I never thanked you Hawke. For teaching me to read, I mean. I've found I really enjoy it." Fenris started, a small smile on his face as he spoke.

"I've noticed. This is the second time I've come over here to see you reading. Think you're ready to start reading Shartan's book yet? If not I could read it to you? While I find you insufferable most of the time seeing you happy makes me… happy."

"Does it now? And here I thought you liked seeing me suffer. I would like it if you did read Shartan's book to me. I have taken a look at it and some of the words I am not familiar with. I want to get all I can from that book. It is the least I could do after you went through so much trouble to get it for me."

Though they never did get around to reading the book together that year. Shortly after the conversation Hawke brought Fenris, Aveline, and Anders out towards Sundermount, where they were intercepted by a less-than-cheery group of slavers lead by a person from Fenris's past. Hadriana.

After chasing her down, and ultimately killing her, Hawke did his best to comfort Fenris, but that was the last thing he wanted. He did not want to be comforted, and he told him that in such a harsh voice that it made him ashamed. He ran off back to Kirkwall, leaving the group behind.

It had been hours he waited around in the Hawke estate, hoping, praying even for Hawke to return. Leandra mothered him, telling him her son would be home any moment and to just relax. While he wanted to snap at her he knew he never could. She was just so loving that she did not deserve any hate or ill-will. Dusk was beginning to break when the door finally opened and Hawke walked in.

"I was worried about you Fenris. I looked everywhere for you, even your mansion." His voice was soft, hurt even as he spoke. One look into his eyes and Fenris felt even more ashamed than he had before.

"Why are you always so gentle with me at the worst moments? I want you to get mad at me Hawke! I just left you and the rest of the team and didn't bother telling you where I went. Yell at me!"

"No, why would I do that to you? That bitch deserved to die for all the shit she did to you, I understood why you had to get out of those caverns. I'm not going to admonish you for something you needed to do."

There he went again, being the sensitive man he rarely showed but when he did it had a way of making you feel like a nug-fucking whoreson. Rubbing his forehead he turned away from Hawke's gaze. "I should go, I-I shouldn't put this on you."

He only managed to get a step away before he felt his arm being grabbed. "You don't have to go, Fenris."

Then it happened. It was so fast that everything was like a blur. Their lips met in a passionate kiss, it left Fenris breathless and for Hawke it was the same. Pulling away for breath he saw the hunger in the mage's eye if only for a moment before the mage took control of the moment, pinning himself against the wall and pressing heavily against him. They kissed again, Hawke's mouth traveling down to the elf's neck, his tongue licking the lyrium tattoos and tasting the magic.

It all felt so surreal, he snaked his hands around Hawke's waist and pressed their bodies closer, feeling the mage's lips and tongue and teeth greedily and hungrily abused his flesh. It was too fast, Fenris knew it was too fast. Hawke knew it was too fast and yet neither made a move to stop it, even as they moved toward's Hawke's bedroom.

_This_ had been mounting for years, they both knew it. They both wanted it. After shutting the door behind them they looked at each other, breathless but wanting. Hawke started first, undoing the buttons of his robes and letting it fall to the floor, kicking his shoes off his feet. Fenris felt the urge to run, but he refused to. He wanted this, and he was going to take it. Slowly he removed his own clothing as Hawke finished undressing, crawling onto the bed.

"Are you worried?"

Hawke jumped a little at the sudden noise. He looked over at Fenris and smiled. "No. Just a little out of practice… Maker you're beautiful."

Fenris bit his lower lip, crawling on the bed on top of Hawke and sitting on his lap. "You don't have to compliment me, Hawke. I know I'm ugly. These markings… They aren't that pleasant in any way, shape, or form."

Hawke leaned up and grabbed Fenris around the neck, pulling him down and pressing their bodies together. "I can compliment you all I like… After we have our fun."

Their lips clashed together once more, slowly Hawke turned them over and pinned Fenris to the bed, keeping the elf's arms above his head. He could feel the want of his lover pressing against his entrance, taunting, teasing. It was different than Fenris had imagined. He expected Hawke to just do it and get it over with, but instead it was slow and sensual.

As if Hawke never wanted to forget the moment.

Suddenly Hawke pulled away, leaning over the edge of the bed and fumbling for something on the end table. "Hold on a moment, love. I need to get something," he said softly, finally finding a vial of clear liquid. "I don't want to hurt you."

Fenris shifted beneath Hawke, giving him a shy look. "I know, but I have to ask why you had that in arm's reach."

"I get lonely." Hawke responded, then a second later he realized how that sounded. "I… not with someone else, I mean. I just, by myself you understand. I'm beginning to act like Merrill aren't I?"

"No I don't think so. I may be wrong to assume here but I don't think she pleasures herself late at night."

"Quiet elf, you will want to save that voice of yours for later." Hawke huffed, opening the vial and pouring some out on his hands. Closing the vial he threw it over his shoulder not giving a damn about where it went, rubbing the liquid in his hands. "Are you really ready for this, Fenris? Once we do it, we can't go back…"

"Don't Hawke, not now. I want this. You do too."

Hawke said nothing else, just nodded and inserted a finger into his lover. A small groan emitted from the elf and his stomach clenched from the sensation. Hawke massaged Fenris's tattooed thigh, his cold oiled hand sending a shiver down the elf's spine. "Maker Hawke, speed it up…"

"Heh, I don't want to hurt you Fenris. Or would you prefer a little _pain_?" Hawke purred giving emphasis to the word pain by adding a second digit. Fenris replied with a breathy moan, buck his hips upward. "Well I suppose that answers that, but if you get hurt you can't expect me to heal you."

Removing his fingers he lubricated his pulsating manhood and grabbed the elf's hips, pulling him down to sheath his length. The initial feeling was boggling, the tightness and the warmth drove the mage wild to the point where he nearly came. He snapped out of his throes when he heard his lover's cry, a cross between pain and pleasure. Hawke gave a half smile at this, pulling Fenris up into his arms in a hug.

Once he was sure the elf was relaxed and ready for what came next he began to gently rock in and out of him, hearing his purrs and moans as he sped his pace. The faster he went the more reckless and unruly it seemed to be. Fenris wrapped his legs tighter around Hawke's waist for stability, his fingers digging into the mage's skin the harder and quicker his lover went. It was almost as if a spell went off in his body when Hawke struck the right spot, a mangled whine escaped his lips and his muscle clenched. "Oh Maker Hawke, there. There!"

Hawke smirked against Fenris's skin, giving his neck a small nip. "Yes master." he cooed before pushing hard back in to the elf again and again and again. With every push roused more whines from him and with every cry brought them both closer to the edge.

"Garrett I - Maker!" the elf shivered and gave one last cry of pleasure, his muscles tensing as his seed spilled from him and covered Hawke's well-muscled stomach before falling limp into his lover's arms.

Hawke lasted only seconds longer, his essence filling Fenris with warmth. For a moment they stayed there in each other's arms, sinking in the moment before they both fell back onto the bed. Carefully the mage withdrew his limp member from the elf and gave a weak smile. "I'm exhausted."

Fenris returned the smile and closed his eyes. "We can rest. Though I must ask why you called me master?"

"It fell out, though we can worry about that later. I'm about to fall asleep." He murmured, wiggling closer to the elf and throwing his arm over him protectively. "No more running away on me."

The two ended up sleeping away the majority of the day, not waking up until night had fallen. Hawke's awakening was far from sweet, jumping awake for whatever reason. His first reaction was to look beside him, only to find Fenris gone. A noise on the other side of him drew his attention and he looked to see Fenris already fully dressed.

"Was I really that bad?" Hawke mumbled, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

Fenris gave a depressed smile, shaking his head. "No you were fine. Better than fine I admit. It is just…"

"Is it because I'm a man, Fenris?" the elf was taken aback by the tone in which it was said, but he could not be made at him for it at all.

"No Hawke, it isn't that. I don't care that you're a mage either, so don't ask. It's just that while we were doing it I saw… I remembered my past life, but then it was like it all went away. One moment it was there, then it was gone." He began to pace by this point, the throbbing in his backside becoming more of a driving force than a deterrent. He stopped and looked over at Hawke, his green eyes flecked with concern and unknowing.

"Don't you want to remember? I could help you." Hawke offered, but even then he knew what Fenris was getting to. He could feel the hurt and betrayal building up in the pit of his stomach, but he did little to voice it.

"I can't do this Hawke. This is too much, too fast. You just don't understand what it's like to remember everything and just… to lose it. I should go, Hawke. I'm sorry."

"But-" he was already gone. Misery overtook Hawke, but he was a strong man. Quietly he got off his bed and dressed. He needed a bath, and he knew it, yet he could not bare to erase the final pieces that remained of last night. He knew he did not deserve Fenris, how could he? He was a mage, one of the things he hated. The sexual tension between them existed, but it was not meant to be. After all it seemed all they did was fight each other.

"Darling? Are you alright? You've been strangely silent all morning?" Hawke gave his mother a sad smile. Always so sweet and kind. Anyone would be blessed to have her as their mother and he knew it.

"Mother, I'm fine. I just need a bath, is all."

Leandra rested her hand on his shoulder, giving it a reassuring squeeze. "I'm sorry darling, I'll have Bodahn draw a bath for you."

Those were the last words Hawke ever shared with his mother, to his dismay. The killer of Kirkwall struck once more, purposely targeting his mother because of her face. It sickened Hawke to know it, but he bore that burden on his own. As he did with all bad things. When Gamlen asked why she was targeted he told him nothing, sparing him the knowledge of just how sick someone could be.

When he left to write Carver the bad news of mother's death Hawke escaped to his room, holding back tears as he held his head in his hands. Now all he had left in the house was Bodahn, Sandal, and the elf-girl Orana. They were sweet, but it was still so empty… His thoughts became interrupted by a knock at they door.

"I don't know what to say -"

"Fenris?" The voice piqued him from his despair and he looked to see the very elf he had hoped. It was enough to make him smile.

"I am here to listen, Hawke. As always." his voice was a whisper, faltering near the end of his statement. He joined his friend beside him on the bed and placed his hand on the man's thigh. He knew he was overstepping his boundaries by so much as touching him, yet he did not move it. Just by the posture of Hawke he could see how even the simple touch brightened him.

"Just say anything, Fenris. Anything at all. I just need a friend."

Looking down at his arm the red band and crest weighed heavily on his mind. He knew what he had to do. Had to say. "No doubt you've noticed the band and crest?" It was more a statement than a question, as he heard the group whisper about it and ask Hawke about it on more than one occasion. Still he asked out of formality. "Your mother gave them to me."

"My… my mother? Why? When?" Hawke felt very self conscious out of the blue, his eyes going wide as he looked at Fenris.

The elf gave a small chuckle, his hand rubbing the mage's thigh comfortingly. "She did not come in, if that is what you're so worried about. I - I tried to leave while you were still asleep. That sounds awful, I know, but she stopped me before I even reached the bottom steps," he explained.

"She told me you were quite smitten with me and told me if I left without saying good bye you would be much more than upset. I believed her. It was as if she knew my intentions and she knew I wasn't… that is besides the point. She said she knew my feelings and gave me the crest and told me to wear it. And make you proud." his voice was once again barely a whisper, Hawke strained to hear every word and even still it sounded exactly like his mother.

"I'm sorry I pushed you into that, Fenris. I truly am. I lost you because of my desire -"

Fenris cut him off by placing his finger on the man's lips, shaking his head. "Say no such thing. You did not lose me, Hawke. It's my fault. I left you because of fear, not because of you."

They sat in silence for a long time before Hawke leaned over and placed a kiss on the elf's cheek. It was innocent and Fenris took it as a token of thanks. The elf stayed until Hawke allowed sleep to take him, before departing and leaned down and returned the kiss that was given to him.

It was the least that he could do for his rival. His lover.

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><p>Woo, uploaded again.<br>Comment, flame, whatever.


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